Well, what we were beginning to think was impossible actually happened. It's hard to articulate the experience we have had and if you could be in my head and heart for a day only then would you know what this means to us. My last post was about our failed IUI and infertility treatment. Well the next month came and those fertility drugs were working full force apparently February came and I obviously know my body's schedule down to the day by now after having to track it for two and a half years. I knew I should have started that day and didn't but I had already taken pregnancy tests that week that were the usual negative. I was cramping and felt like I was starting my period, but thought to take another test because our infertility specialist needed to know the status and approach we would take for the next month. Mind you we had already scheduled our LDS adoption services first meeting and it was to take place on Wednesday. So it was Monday February 4th and I took another test and walked away knowing in my heart it would be negative. I came back to find another line and brought the test to Jesse to double check and make sure I wasn't willing another line to be there, that it was in fact reality. I started crying immediately, not out of happiness, but out of panic and fear that because of the cramping I was once again experiencing a miscarriage. I told our infertility doctor the news and they had us come in and do an early ultrasound to make sure there was in fact a baby and everything was measuring normal. I held my breath during the ultrasound as I have every time since then and the doctor found the baby which at the time looked like a speck of dust on the screen. They were happy to announce that I would be graduating from their office and moving on to a regular OBGYN. I told then I loved then but that I honestly hoped to never see then again.They gave me a new mommy bag with lots of goodies in it and to be honest I wanted to hide it as we walked out past all the people in the waiting room who knew exactly what that bag meant. This pregnancy does not change our infertility experience or make it easier to bare. Those were the darkest days of my life and we may have to return to those every time we want to have another baby, but I feel so much lighter as the weight of disappointment and hopelessness has been lifted off us for a while. Infertility is a burden that some couples have to bare much longer than us and I know they are the only ones that are strong enough to cope with it. My heart aches for those who still battle with this and I'm grateful that I can relate somewhat. Couples who go through infertility have earned a different perspective on parenting that you cannot get any other way and I'm grateful to have that. The pregnancy has been really hard. I lost a ton of weight, haven't been able to eat much, and throw up constantly, but it is so worth every second. This is exactly what I wanted for years and I am clinging onto every moment even the ones I spend with my head in the toilet. Infertility opened my eyes to how amazing our bodies truly are and pregnancy has only enhanced that. I'm now 15 weeks along and have nothing to complain about. The second best moment of my life next to marrying Jesse was hearing that baby's heartbeat so loud for the first time on the ultrasound. We got the neat chance to go with mine and his mom to an early gender detection office to find out the sex of the baby. Nothing is growing between those tiny legs and the lady assured me there wouldn't be. It's a girl! I haven't let myself get excited or too attached yet and those who've had miscarriages will only know the true feelings of why that is, but knowing it's a girl has made it finally a reality. I'm due September 29th and Jesse is hoping I can hold out til October. We couldn't be more full of gratitude.