I got a sweet email from a dear friend who knows the in-and-outs of my personal struggle that I'm fighting through at this point in my life. She sent me this quote in an email and said when she read it she thought it described me. These are the most kind and understanding words I could ever hope for someone to think about me. I really am blessed to have a friend like this in my life along with many others and wonderful family who are praying on my behalf and sending supportive and loving words my way. Those who are closest to me already know the specifics of my trial and therefore I don't feel the need to go public with it at the moment. I also am trying to understand why I (and many others) was given this trial and what I could possibly learn from such defeat and haven't found peace in finding the answers to these questions yet, which is normally the case in great trials. We usually don't know what the lesson is until we are out on the other side of it looking in. Let's just say appreciation for this trial might take a lifetime to gain.

It's been a rough weekend for me that has been emotionally and physically draining, but the silver lining in this gigantic size trial I'm going through is that I have wonderful family who support me and a worthy husband who can offer me sweet priesthood blessings of peace and comfort. Despite the low lows of this past year...yes this trial has lasted a year and is still going in my life....I have tried to find simple things to do with my husband to get my mind off myself and my depressed state and onto things that can keep me content for the moment. This weekend I found content in my outing with Jesse and Kira to Park City for some dinner and window shopping and in my drive with the hubs out to Utah lake after church. The lake was frozen over and we even ventured out on it. The husband is doing a puzzle at the kitchen table as we speak and I am wrapped up in the white, fur blanket my grandma gave us for Christmas. I'm just taking things moment by moment because even day by day seems like too big an obstacle.

I had a rough day today from the start and didn't know how I was gonna get through it, but I underestimated how well my Heavenly Father knows my circumstances, once again. I received an email out of the blue today from a mother of one of the students in class. It said:

"Mrs. E,

Mady absolutely LOVES your class and talks about it and you constantly. Thanks for all you do and your concern for her."

My day started to turn around right after reading this email. Then toward the end of the day I had another mother pop into my classroom and thank me for whatever I'm doing with her son because for the first time he actually wants to read and has seen recent success in his reading ability. I told her that it was his hard work that is paying off, but man I feel like I'm on a emotional high every time I get these simple rewards from my students. So by the end of the day I was holding back tears of gratitude for my students and how rewarding it is to help them. The days that I get thanked are few and far-between, but when a day strolls along that's full of thank-yous I start to realize how important I am in these kids' lives. I'm grateful I get to be a part of their road to success. Every minute of teaching is worth it. Especially when my little second graders hug me tight and tell me I'm the best reading teacher EVER or my fourth graders tell me that my class is their favorite and they wish we had a longer class period in there together or even simple things like when my students tell me I look beautiful or that I'm the nicest teacher they know. These things get me through the rough patches in my life.

Another Phone Dump:

1. new "candy" pink lipstick that I'm loving

2. Jesse can't resist a "hilarious" hat

3. driving through the gorge back to Utah after Christmas

4. Travis

5. Marley's Sliders-trying a new restaurant with friends

6. me

7. browsing at the book store

8. I'm a very focused driver

9. Paige not happy about the Kodak moment

10. our nephew Collin in Jesse's old football helmet

11. My heaven! My family all together in a bookstore enjoying themselves. Everyone found books...the girls found charming children's books and novels about other cultures...the boys picked ones about taking over the world and becoming business savvy and rich.

12. me and sissy

13. Jesse's Panda Express fortune. How suitable.

14. All gussied up for church

15. Lunch at Lucille's with with family. BBQ chicken salad and the best strawberry lemonade I've ever had.

Confessions of our three-day weekend:

- we might have played games every night of the weekend (Mexican Train and Bang)

- we might have driven up to Salt Lake to spend the night with our good friends and ate amazing cheese steaks and then cruised over to Trolley Square for some salt water taffies

-I may or may not have worn my spandex leggings everyday along with my husband's vintage sweater and moccasins. Comfort is my middle name.

-we might have even squeezed in a spa session with friends topped off with Sonic cranberry limeades.

-we definitely had a Rocklet feast with friends followed by a night of Just Dance on the Wii

-we may or may not have gone out with our friends and had a prank night like back when we were single and twelve. The pranks might have included penny tapping and water ballooning pedestrians around campus. Who says you have to be boring, grow up, and go to bed early when you are married?

-we just might have eaten Mexican food twice in one day. Rancheritos breakfast burritos for lunch, and Jesse might have almost cried when I suggested we share one of the ginormous burritos. I definitely made Cafe Rio sweet pork salad that was divine for dinner and we washed it down with iced cokes in our coco-cola glasses.

-to end the weekend you might have seen us enjoying the view of the city and each others' company from Y mountain and then back home cuddling on the couch watching The Bachelor.

Today was stressful. It was state testing at my school and I was ready to puke with the fear that my kids wouldn't show growth from the beginning of the year and for a teacher that's about as bad as it gets. These tests are our physical evidence that we are getting through to our kids. Everyday as a teacher you feel like you are teaching, but no one is hearing you or if they are they can't remember what you said two minutes earlier. Needless to say I was worried that my kids hadn't learned anything from me or at least not enough to show sufficient growth. I got to go into the room with them as they took their tests and make sure they took their time and then record their scores when they finished. One of my 4th grade boys finished first and this particular boy can't sit still in class or be quiet for a millisecond so I was super worried about him. His tests finished and I went to look at his score. He improved his score by15 points since he's been in my class which is insanely good! Most kids increase by about 5 at the most. I was so proud of him I got choked up and teary eyed and got to soak in the moment with him and express how proud I was of him. Every single one of my students improved! Another one of my 4th grade boys is really struggling in school, but improved by 22 points! I also had a struggling second grader who improved by 19 points! I was on cloud nine after the tests and really had to take a moment to collect myself because I was so overwhelmed with emotion for the success of my kids. Somehow, someway my teaching is getting through to them. Today I think I came the closest to getting a glimpse of what parenthood is like. I cannot even capture in print how rewarding it was to see these students of mine that really struggle in school have things finally click and feel smart after they realized how well they had done. It really has been one of the more special moments in my life to see my students realize they can succeed. Now I'm relieved to say the least and their success lit a fire in me that has given me a second wind for this last part of the school year. I'm looking forward to bringing Jesse to school tomorrow to see what I do all day and to a holiday weekend with Monday off. It's well deserved! I'm extremely thankful today.

Just dumped the pictures off my phone from the last month.

1. My book nook in my classroom

2. Jesse doing what he loves best...puzzling

3. The hubs got my wedding ring and bands fused together. Heavenly!

4. My class' wall of goals for the year

5. The front of my classroom

6. Such an interesting book! I loved every minute of reading it

7. vocabulary pocket chart in my class

8. my classroom again

9. Sushi

10. Jeopardy review game for my 4th graders

Peaks of my month:

-Not having to set an alarm on Friday nights. I can't sleep in anymore, but it's still nice not having a specific time to wake up.

- Getting Sonic cranberry limeades with the hubs

-A late night Wendy's run with Jesse that took me back to my college days and doing the same thing with my besties

- Playing Just Dance and Bang with all our friends every night of the weekend

-Watching The Help and Warrior with good friends (both fabulous movies)

-Date nights with the hubs

- My new grey nail polish that Jesse got me for Christmas

- The new season of the Bachelor

Pit of the month:

-Having to chizzle my car windows everyday before driving to work (note to self: I never want to permanently live somewhere where chizzling windshields is a necessity)

-Having my random bouts of vertigo

-Having no energy and being tired all the time